Anxiety & Frozen Lakes

Happy Friday yall! Welcome back to 17 & Married. First off thank you for all of the love and support. You guys have shown up and shown out! From the ebook sales to the subscriptions, and shares. Thank you for helping me get my story out there to those who need it most!

Today's session is going to be a little different. It won't be a journey installment or a Q&A. I want to share a bit of poetry I wrote while going through the darkest part of my divorce. As I've mentioned before, writing saved me. Poetry was one of the ways I navigated through my emotions and made it through to the other side. This particular poem is a window into how much anxiety I carried around, to the point that I was ready to just give up.


 

Frozen Lakes


I hear the ice cracking.

Beneath me fissures form threatening to crack and bleed.

My weight adds more pressure, speeding up the process of undoing the glossy surface.

I hear the ice cracking.

Every step measured carefully as I cross the open void.

The abyss awaits below in anticipation of a misstep.

Who knows the path that leads safely home? Feet moving forward or is it backward? I can't tell, there's no map.

I feel my way through the darkness with no walls to steady my frame.

I hear the ice cracking.

The gurgle of rushing water just below the surface threatening my life and all that I've built. It taunts me cackling in the night. Knowing I can't cross without going under. Knowing I can't pass without paying the toll.

Life flashes, a steady stream of pain passion love, and regret.

I hear the ice cracking.

Tired of tiptoeing around the edges of oblivion I let it take me. Opening my eyes one last time as I sink, the cool darkness envelops me.

It's not so bad down here.

Cold turns warm as my body numbs. Darkness turns to comfort like a bedtime story.

The fissures can't scare me here. What else is there? What more can you take?

I embrace the darkness. This is my home now. Where nothing can be heard and cracked ice cant hurt.

 

Sometimes it's hard for me to read poetry from what I call the dark days. I don't like to remember that pain. But every time I crack my journal open and revisit those pages, I'm also reminded of how far I've come. I used to cry every day. I used to dread waking up. I didn't want to wake up yall. Thank God that is no longer my reality.


I hope that whatever you are going through that you find your healing. Whether you write like me, draw, paint, sing, or work it out in the gym. I pray you to find your way to the other side of the frozen lakes in your life. And if you have to let the water take you for a while, that's ok. But don't stay there. You deserve to see the sun again. Keep pushing!



Prayer, therapy, self-discovery have all led me to a place of peace and happiness. From that broken girl to a healed woman. My ebook Become the Best Version of Yourself, outlines practical strategies you can use to get to know your truest self and become who you are meant to be too!




See you on the other side of the lake yall! Come back Monday, for the newest installment of my story: You Trapped the Golden Goose!

Until then stay blessed!

Love,

Dina Shanae


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