Q&A: Are Men Basic? What happened to romance?

Welcome back to another Q&A Post! Today's post has been on my mind for a while. Now that Mother's Day has passed, I thought it would be the perfect time to discuss it!

I hope all of you beautiful mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day and had a chance to check out our MOM COLLECTION in our store! It doesn't have to be Mother's Day to gift a dope mother in your life, especially if it's you! Treat yourself!

Now, back to the issue at hand!

Are men basic?


I've been single for a few years now, and dating has been an interesting ride. I've dated entrepreneurs and 9-5 guys. I've dated men who were well off financially and average earning dudes alike. And out of all the guys I've come across, there have only been three who I found impressive as dating prospects.

Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

#1 Atlanta

I talked to this guy who lived in Atlanta. He owned his own business and was doing pretty well for himself. He was a decent guy, but the best thing about him was his brain. I mean ole dude was brilliant when it came to business. His wheels never stopped turning.

He would fly me out for trips and make sure the experience was lit. I'm talking floor seats at games, amazing restaurants, exotic whips, the whole nine. However, he worked ALL the time! It was so annoying. We would be at dinner and he'd be taking work calls and answering e-mails. We visited an amusement park, and he spent literal hours on the phone handling customers and employees. Now don't get me wrong, I understand being a business owner takes a lot of your time. It just didn't leave enough time for me, so I had to fall back. Dueces Atlanta!

Some would say that since he was well off I should've just kept him around, but that's not my style. I don't want to be on vacation with someone who isn't paying me any attention, I'd rather date someone who has time to invest, not just money.

But I won't lie. The business information I learned from him was invaluable, and the trips were memorable and fun, so he wowed me. I appreciate the experience, but it wasn't enough to build anything real.

On to the next.

#2 Doctor Bae

Another brilliant brain. So this guy was also pretty well off, but he wasn't flashy or a jerk about it. He was highly accomplished in his field especially to be under 35. He was stimulating in ways I wasn't accustomed to. He taught me all types of financial literacy skills, a new language, cooked for me often, and was an all-around good guy. He encouraged my writing, and read every word I sent him. And yeah, we had some fun trips too, but he was also thoughtful.

He was one of the most considerate people I'd met. I would mention things casually in conversation, and he would just make it happen. One time I brought up that I needed to order some more shea butter, and the next time I saw him he'd already bought it. I know it sounds simple, but he moved in the exact way that made me feel considered, and appreciated. You see, it doesn't need to be big, just thoughtful. He was impressive in that way.

So what was his fatal flaw? He was a HOE! I mean with those credentials he was bound to be one right? Handsome, successful, and off at 4 every day; he had time on his hands to get into a lot of things and women. Eventually, things tapered off mostly due to COVID, but we remained friends. He still lets me know when it's time to buy and sell stocks and keeps up with my writing. It was a great experience that raised the bar for any subsequent suitors. Heyy Doc!

#3 The Unicorn

Okay yall so this last guy treated me so well that our relationship was almost like his name, something out of a fairytale. He was the most thoughtful person I've ever met, and he was incredibly adept at gift-giving. Gifts and acts of service are my most prominent love languages, so he just got me. He gave me some of the best gifts I've ever received. Not the most expensive, but the most personal.

One of my favorite gifts from the Unicorn was a period survival box. This man me a kit complete with my favorite chocolates, a heating pad, medicine, tea, cozy socks, and a gift card to order food amongst other things. I'm sure it didn't cost him more than $75 to make, but it was a gift I will never forget. It showed his care for me, and how much he paid attention. That is a skill most men lack. They don't study the woman they're dating, and they don't learn how to wow her. But the unicorn didn't stop at gifts. No, no, no ladies and gentlemen, there's more.

He was the best date planner I've ever met. He was creative and imaginative. Again, our activities weren't always expensive, but they were always catered towards me and what he thought I'd enjoy.

He was so sweet, he made us a date box filled with restaurants to try, trips to take, museums to visit, etc. I had never dated someone who treated me so well. He was truly a once-in-a-lifetime guy. And if Doctor Bae set the bar, the Unicorn turned the marathon into a triathlon. Quite frankly, anything less is unimpressive.

I know you're asking, umm okay if he was so great, why aren't yall together? He sounds like husband material!

Well yall, that's just it. He is husband material, and at that time in my life, I wasn't looking for a husband. I was too fresh from my divorce to consider a relationship and I wasn't ready for all he had to offer. I knew that I would hurt him if I continued to date him, so I let him go. I didn't want to block him from meeting someone ready for the things he wanted. In short, I got out of the way.


Now, you've just read three examples of mentally stimulating men with good conversation, who planned trips and dates. Unfortunately, that is NOT what the dating pool looks like. They have been the exception, not the rule. And my question is why?

Are men basic? Do men not feel the need to impress women anymore? I've been talking to my girlfriends about this a lot lately and it seems most guys think going out for drinks or dinner is special. Which dinner and drinks is at least a step up from NETFLIX and chill I suppose.

One thing all three of these men had in common is they were over thirty, and financially stable.

Should women who want to be treated well stop wasting their time on younger men or have yall met some bums in their forties too?

Is it about what we as women accept? Are women allowing men to get away with the bare minimum and encouraging low vibrational energy? I don't know yall, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Facebook and Instagram.

What I do know is, there are men out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I will end with this last caveat: What I require, I can also provide. A man who dates me needs to treat me as well as I treat myself. So ladies, do the work! Level up your self-love, get your ducks in a row, and you'll see a change in the type of men you accept into your life. Happy dating yall!

Until next time, stay blessed.


Dina Shanae

44 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All