Q&A: Is flirting cheating?

Let's examine with a scenario or two, or three...

She bent over to pick up the pen she’d dropped. He watched her from his desk. He didn’t say a word, just peeked past his computer screen to admire the mounds of her round backside as she returned to a standing position.


His beard was glistening from the new oils he’d ordered. They’d finally come in and he was looking and smelling amazing. The scent of mahogany and subtle pine permeated the air as he walked past. She noticed as he passed her cubical. "Hey! What are you wearing? You smell amazing." She says to him.

"Oh, just this new beard oil. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, I do, it’s really nice. Would you send me the link on that when you get the chance? I may get John a bottle."

"No problem," he replies.


The line is out the door at Starbucks but he can’t start his day without coffee. He grits his teeth, buckling in for the morning hustle and bustle. Ahead of him, he counts three people. One man and two women. The woman directly ahead of him, a short elderly woman is dressed in sweats. She must’ve come from her morning walk he thinks to himself. In front of her, he notices a young woman, maybe mid-thirties with long slender legs. She’s dressed in a suit, wearing an impatient scowl. The man ahead of her is a newbie who doesn’t know what he wants to order, and he’s holding up the line. She gets a phone call that further sours her mood. After a few minutes, she hangs up the phone looking frazzled and irritated.

Finally, the man in front orders his coffee and it’s her turn. He steps out of line and heads to the cashier. "Good morning ma’am." He says kindly. The cashier and woman in the suit reply with a polite "good morning." He hands the cashier his card and offers to pay for her order and the elderly woman’s order as well. The woman in the suit smiles and thanks him. He says your welcome and goes back to his place in line.

"Have a good day," he says as she leaves the store.

She smiles and replies, "you too."



Hey, y’all! Welcome back to another Q & A post! I had a different post all worked up but, this Facebook and Instagram debate about flirting has inspired me so much that I decided to switch my topic for the week!

When I posted the question: is flirting cheating? I had an overwhelming response of YES! Which made me wonder, what do people consider flirting?

Ask yourself, in the scenarios above, was there anyone flirting? Were they being inappropriate? I’ll give context that in each story, at least one of the parties was in a committed relationship. How would you feel as the partner of one of the characters?

Having this conversation has been quite interesting because I’m finding that I’m more liberal than most. I don’t find that surprising because I was already pretty liberal before my divorce, but now I have a completely different outlook on marriage and relationships.

I personally would say that none of those scenarios were flirting.

Y’all are probably thinking what??? Not even the first one where ole dude was checking out that woman’s cheeks?


I would say no because everyone looks! We have eyes and we’re human. If you see something nice, it’s natural to notice. Or maybe I’m the only one who sees Kofi Siriboe and considers risking it all. My point is, since he didn’t say anything or act on his desires, I don’t consider it flirting. He just looked and kept on working.

Okay but what about sis all up on dude telling him he smells amazing?

Nope, not flirting. Again this is just one of those times where your senses are going to notice things. He smelled like a Wakandian war god, of course, she’s going to notice. She asked for the link to buy it for her man so he too can smell like he’s dripped in melanin!

Now I’ll give it to y’all if her body language showed signs of interest. IE: she’s too close, brushing up against him, other physical indicators. But based on the conversation alone, I’d say sis is in the clear.

Finally, we’ve got the brother at Starbucks. Are y’all thinking: surely he was flirting! Buying women drinks and whatnot? I'm still going to have to say no. He was just being nice. He saw a woman having a bad day and did something nice so she'd have a better day. No harm was done.

Maybe you’re thinking, but that could’ve opened the door to more. He could’ve asked for her number or something after that! I’d agree with you. It could’ve. But he didn’t make that move. He left it as a kind gesture and went on about his day.

The biggest difference I see between innocent interactions and flirting is intent.

Are you being nice to make someone smile? Giving a compliment, holding the door, giving a pep talk.

Or are you pursuing? Are you trying to get more from this interaction, are you seeking connection romantically?

This is why I say the only person who can tell if they’re flirting is the person doing the flirting. From the outside looking in, perception doesn’t always fit reality. So what could be completely harmless can be perceived as flirtatious and vice versa. It really just depends on the situation and the boundaries within your relationship.

So do I consider flirting to be cheating? No, but as my girl commented on Facebook, it’s definitely “pre-cheating.”

But hey what do I know. I was “flirting” with this guy on social media for like 3 months and he didn’t even realize I liked him. And all the guys in my inbox who I ignore just keep on popping up.

(The friend was me)

So yeah, I might be an ineffectual flirter. But that’s my two cents in the flirting debate.

Y’all be careful out there!


If you haven't already, be sure to follow me on Facebook and Instagram, so you can stay in the know when we get one of these debates going.

Stop by the store on your way out and use the code LOVE for 15% off through April.

Until next time, stay blessed.


Dina Shanae

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